Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
