How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
