The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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