YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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