Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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