a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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