you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
