So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
