your thong is hanging out like whoa
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
