When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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