My hair reeks of homosexuality.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
