I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
