I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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