I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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