3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
