if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
