I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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