apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
