I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
