Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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