i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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