...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
