Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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