Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
