You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
