did you get engaged???
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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