You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
