What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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