I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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