he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
