lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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