I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
