I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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