Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
