Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
