My first STD was from a foam party
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
