Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
