i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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