I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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