Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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