Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
God I need to hump something, right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
