The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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