Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dear god my vagina.
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