So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
