tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
