dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
