My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
