i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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