smell my finger.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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