I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
