I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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