She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
