I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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