why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
