oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
