we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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