i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
