i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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