oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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