oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
