dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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