shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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