whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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