Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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