I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
