I smell stomach acid.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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