How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
