I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
