I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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