I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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