woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
