you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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