Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
