I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
