I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
